Gonna make you Pocari Sweat 'till You Bleed

Mmmmm...sweaty. I'm somewhat relieved to report the famous Pocari Sweat does not taste like squeezed Asian man, but tastes kind of like lemon lime Gatorade.

Today was fairly low key. We'd planned on hunkering down for the typhoon, but it missed us. Regardless, we didn't do a lot today. A trip to the hotel spa was the big event. However, tomorrow we are going on to Kyoto for a few days, so we had to buy train tickets today. Looking forward to traveling on the bullet train.

Here's a couple of snaps from the train station near the Conrad:





CHOO-CHOO!!!! Here comes the train!!!



Saw this weird little bag in the train station. The family was coming back from Tokyo Disneyland. Seriously.



Here's another quirky piece of Engrish from the convenience store where we bought the beverages I showed you earlier. Note: this store was playing Guru when we were in there last, so I'll forgive them their weird slogans.



As we're walking back from our little venture, I noticed a rack of DVDs in front of a newsstand. A closer inspection revealed I'd stumbled onto the Japanese equivalent of the dollar store DVDs I'd been so enamored with a while ago. But, rather than a bunch of obscure Japanese movies I'd never heard of (which I really would have preferred), I found the selection to be rather familiar.



The top row there is all the classic Charlie Chaplin films. The second, every Disney feature up to Dumbo.



The racks were filled with pretty much every important US film up to about 1950. The only omission I found was Wizard of Oz, but you name it, you could find nearly anything else. (Note 500 yen is a little more than $4 US.)

Another little book store, another rack of DVDs. This one had a little more color anyway.



Who the heck is Mike Mizno? And what's he got to do with pirated DVDs of US films?



Really? I know nothing about Japanese copyright, but wow.



Is this revenge for all the pirated US Gamera and Street Fighter discs? Totally weird and maybe I'll bite the bullet on a disc or two just to see what the deal is.

Speaking of Gamera, ho-boy, I shouldn't have left him and Godzilla alone in the room because this is what I walked in on:



Hey you guys. What are you up to?



GODZILLA! You put that little tree thing down, right this instance!



*sigh* That wasn't what I meant.

Jet Jaguar was busy running up a bill with the adult pay per view, but I won't bore you with pictures of that. (Really ugly, trust me.)

Well, that's all I got for today. Bed is calling so according to the pink duck thing, this blog is officially closed for the night.

Goin' Coconuts (1978)

You know Donnie & Marie Osmond were on the way down in 1978 when Goin' Coconuts starts with the two supposedly in concert on a totally empty stage with no audience. Not only did they cheap out on scenery, but it would appear to me they borrowed the plot from the Brady Bunch or Scooby-Doo.

CAUTION: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD! FO' REALZ!!!1

See, Donnie and Marie, along with their stereotypical manager, are on their way to Hawaii to play a show. In the airport a fake priest hands Marie a necklace which immediately attracts the attention of a dozen stereotypical baddies. About five hours into the movie, we learn the necklace is actually a decoder for this treasure map leading to a sunken submarine (!) with gold bars. Of course, by this time, we've already figured that out as subtlety is not this movie's strong point.

Along the way, there are many "wacky" and/or "madcap" chases. Of course it takes about half the film's running time before our heroes realize they're being chased. Those stereotypical baddies? Well, we have a Strangeglove-esque German (who would have been a million times better if Charles Nelson Riley played him) and a few Fu Man Chu generic Orientals. And Lurch. Yes, Ted Cassidy is the only other recognizable person in this film.

There are lots of jokes about teeth. Y'see, the Osmonds have really big teeth. I mean huge. Like, freakishly large and white. We're also treated to many scenes of Donnie being a playboy. Though his star fading at this time, I guess it's still possible that he'd get the Beatles treatment. Poor Marie though is treated like the virginal kid sister throughout.

The problem here is Goin' Coconuts falls into the category of films not bad enough to be good but also too bad to be good. There are a few good moments (like this classic reaction shot) but for the most part the movie just kind of drags.



This disc, from EastWest, is slightly less crap than their normal fare. It appears to be taken from an actual film source as opposed to their normal technique of using crusty old ex-rental VHS tapes. Of course, the print is less than pristine and is compressed to all hell so you get some massive macroblocking anytime there's motion or any complexity in the image. For a dollar, you expect it.

As always, the legality of this release is highly questionable. There's also a second feature "Lost on Paradise Island" that I haven't gotten into yet.

If you're one of the suckers who paid $25 on eBay for this, well, I'd be out for blood if I was you. Worth a buck? Maybe. I have to admit, I had high hopes and this failed to live up to them.